Sleight of Mouth — Robert Dilts's 14 conversational reframing patterns

The example belief we'll use

To make the patterns concrete, take a limiting statement: "I can't ask for a raise — my boss will say no and then it'll be awkward." The fourteen patterns below each respond to this same statement from a different angle. None is the 'right' response; in conversation you choose the one that fits the moment.

The 14 patterns

1. Intention. Surface the positive intent behind the belief. 'What I think you're really wanting here is to be safe — and there are many ways to get safe.'
2. Redefine. Replace one of the words in the statement with a different word that shifts the meaning. 'It's not failure — it's data.'
3. Consequence. Point out a consequence of believing or acting on the belief. 'If you keep believing that, what happens to the relationships you care about?'
4. Chunk down. Break the generalisation into specifics. 'You said you can't do it — which specific part?'
5. Chunk up. Move from the specific to a larger frame. 'Beyond this specific moment — what's the larger thing you're really trying to do?'
6. Counter-example. Offer a single counter-example to a universal statement. 'You said you always fail — when was a time you didn't?'
7. Analogy. Reframe via comparison to a structurally similar situation. 'It's like a musician practising scales — the boredom is the work.'
8. Apply to self. Apply the belief recursively to itself. 'Is the belief that you're not good enough... good enough?'
9. Another outcome. Shift to a different goal that re-frames the problem. 'Maybe the question isn't whether you'll succeed — maybe it's whether you'll learn.'
10. Reality strategy. Question how the person knows the belief is true. 'How specifically do you know this is true?'
11. Model of the world. Note the belief is one possible map, not the territory. 'In your model that's true; what about someone else's?'
12. Hierarchy of criteria. Surface a higher-level value that supersedes the belief's criterion. 'You said it's hard — what matters more to you than easy?'
13. Change frame size. Zoom the time, scale, or context. 'In ten years, how much will this matter?'
14. Meta-frame. Comment on the belief itself rather than the content. 'I notice you've believed that for a long time. Where did it come from?'

How to learn the patterns in practice

1. Pick one pattern per week. Don't try to learn all fourteen at once.
2. Collect belief statements. Real ones — from yourself, friends, news, podcasts. Aim for 10 per day.
3. Write the pattern response. Slowly. The first responses will be clunky.
4. Notice when the pattern lands and when it doesn't. Reframes that miss the person's underlying concern produce defensive responses; reframes that hit produce a pause and a thoughtful 'huh'.
5. Add the next pattern. By month four you'll have a working repertoire.

Ethics

Sleight of Mouth is taught with a warning attached. Verbal reframing can be used to help someone reconsider a belief they want to reconsider, or to push them past a belief they're holding for a reason. The first is coaching. The second is manipulation. The pattern is the same; the intent is not.

Working ethically: ask permission before reframing ("can I push back on that?"), notice resistance and back off, and remember that a reframe that lands in the moment can feel coercive in retrospect.